


To live without you

by Cats_Dont_Float



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, One Shot, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Sad, Sadstuck, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-09-02 08:30:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20272978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cats_Dont_Float/pseuds/Cats_Dont_Float
Summary: He is going to die. He is going to die so soon, and you're going to have to live for thousands of sweeps without him.Gamzee contemplates the lifespan of his moirail.





	To live without you

It's early morning, and the curtains are pulled tightly shut to block out the light from the rising sun. You should go to sleep soon, but there are more important things to focus on right now. There's a movie playing quietly, a movie you've watched so many times, and you're not paying any attention to it. Instead, your eyes are on the person next to you. He's leaning his head on your shoulder, and the light from the movie is dancing across his face, different colours glowing on his grey skin. He's sniffling slightly, rubbing at his eyes to clear away the tears from where the movie made him cry a while ago. You've got an arm around, and you run your thumb in circles comfortingly on his shoulder as he curls closer against your side. When he looks up at you, you draw in a sharp breath at the slight red tint to his eyes. They'll be fully red soon, and you know he's going to freak out about it when he realises. But you're going to be there for him. You're going to keep him safe.

The movie comes to and end, and he turns to look at you. It's darker in the room now that the movie's over, and you can barely see him.  
"Pale for you," he whispers into the darkness, and you grin.  
"Pale for you too bro," you murmur back, resting one hand against his cheek. He turns his head, pressing his face further into your touch, and you pull him into a tight hug. It doesn't take long for him to fall asleep. He's always so exhausted.

As you sit there, you run a hand slowly through his hair, and lean down to press a kiss to the top of his head. His skin his burning hot under your hands. It always is; you think it's something to do with his mutant blood.  
His blood is something you don't talk about a lot. Not just because it's dangerous for him to be open about it, but because there's no way the two of you should ever be together. A highblood and a mutant. The two of you are an unlikely pair. And one day he's going to die.  
That sudden thought brings tears to your eyes, and you rub at your face quickly with on hand, smearing your painted face in the process. He is going to die. He is going to die so soon, and you're going to have to live for thousands of sweeps without him. What will you do alone without him? Who will be there for you on all your bad days? Who will keep you calm and sane? You can't live without him, you just can't. He's the only one that's ever been there for you, to support you through everything you've been through. Karkat means so much to you, and one day he just won't be around anymore. He's the best moirail you could have ever asked for, and you don't know what you're going to do. The thought of so many years alone without him makes you start to panic, and your breath catches in your throat. You just tighten your grip on Karkat, holding him as if you're scared to ever let go.

Karkat shifts in your arms, sitting up a little straighter. He blinks at you with with wide eyes, and when he sees that you're upset, he raises one hand to brush away your tears with his thumb.  
"Gamzee," he says slowly, "What's wrong?"  
"I'm okay best friend," you say, because you can't exactly tell him that you've been thinking about his death.  
"Tell me what's wrong," he demands. He sits back and crosses his arms across his chest, fixing you with a steady gaze.  
"I was just thinking about how I couldn't live without you, my pale diamond," you say, not sure how to talk to him about this, "But... I have to one day." You watch as a thousand emotions flicker across his face, and then he eventually stretches up to bump his forehead against yours.  
"I'm not going anywhere right now," he says, cupping your face in his hands, "and I'm pretty sure I've got quite a few sweeps ahead of me." He's lying. The two of you have talked about this before. He doesn't know how long he's got left at all. No one knows how long a mutant can live for if they don't get culled; he could die at any second without either of you expecting it.  
"But brother, what will I do without you? I don't want to live without you," You murmur quietly, and you start to panic again.  
"I don't know, Gam," he says, and you can hear his voice shaking. He swallows loudly, and pulls you into a close hug.  
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have...." You shouldn't have talked to him about his own lifespan. That was a horrible thing to do. You're a terrible moirail, making him think about that, you...  
"It's okay," he whispers, cutting off your train of thoughts, reaching up to run his fingers around the base of your horns. You're unable to stop yourself from purring, and sink against his chest with a sigh. "Let's not think about this now," he whispers, "I'm here now, and I don't plan on leaving you any time soon."  
You lean backwards, laying out on the sofa, and he drapes himself across your chest, head resting on your shoulder and hands still tangled in your hair.

You lay there for ages together. The two of you are mostly silent, but you can hear him purring very quietly as he runs his claws through your hair, loosely pulling out a few tangles.  
"Brother," you whisper quietly, "I love you so much. So pale for you."  
"I know, Gamzee," he whispers, "Pale for you too." Karkat's getting tired again. You can tell from the way he's taking longer to speak and struggling to keep his eyes open. So you reach one hand around to gently scratch at the top of his head, your thumb brushing against one of his horns. He instantly closes his eyes and nuzzles his face into your neck.  
"Sleep," you murmur softly to him, "I'll be here when you wake up." And it's true, you will be. You're always going to be there for him, for however long you get to have him as your moirail.


End file.
